Part IV – Week 3: Relationship Building Skills: Mastering Conflict Resolution

Why Conflict Is Inevitable—But It Doesn’t Have to Be Destructive

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship—especially in leadership. Conflict will arise when people come together with different perspectives, values, and responsibilities. The difference between dysfunctional and thriving teams isn’t the absence of conflict—it’s how conflict is managed.

Handled poorly, conflict can damage trust, morale, and collaboration. But when approached with emotional intelligence and skill, conflict can become a powerful tool for clarity, connection, and growth.

This week, we explore how strong leaders handle conflict with intention and how you can develop the tools to turn tension into transformation.

Common Sources of Conflict in Leadership Settings

Conflict often stems from:

• Miscommunication or lack of clarity

• Unclear expectations or roles

• Differences in values or goals

• Perceived unfairness or favoritism

• Limited resources or competing priorities

When leaders understand the root causes of conflict, they’re better equipped to resolve it in meaningful, lasting ways.

How Great Leaders Turn Conflict Into Growth

Continuing with the two leaders we've been discussing in this segment of the series on Relationship Building, Abraham Lincoln and Indra Nooyi provide compelling examples of conflict resolution.

✨ Abraham Lincoln was known for his ability to engage with critics and rivals, even bringing former opponents into his cabinet to serve the country together. He believed in dialogue, compromise, and unity, even during extreme national division. His approach wasn’t avoidance—it was courageous, respectful engagement.

✨ Indra Nooyi, CEO of PepsiCo, introduced major changes that sparked internal disagreements. Instead of pushing back or silencing opposition, she listened. She invited conversations, asked thoughtful questions, and aligned others around shared values and purpose. Her calm, people-centered approach helped resolve tensions and win support.

These leaders show us that conflict doesn’t have to divide—it can strengthen.

5 Practical Strategies for Resolving Interpersonal Conflicts

1. Practice Active Listening

Listen to understand, not to reply. Try phrases like:

• “Tell me more about how you see it.”

• “What’s most important to you in this situation?”

When people feel heard, tension often softens.

2. Focus on Interests, Not Positions

People often state what they want ("position") without sharing why they want it ("interest").

• ❌ “I need to lead the project.”

• ✅ “I want to grow professionally and contribute more to the team.”

Focusing on interests opens doors for creative problem-solving.

3. Approach with Curiosity, Not Judgment

Instead of reacting defensively, pause and ask:

• What might be driving this person’s behavior?

• Is there a misunderstanding we can clarify?

Curiosity leads to connection. Judgment leads to walls.

4. Compromise with Intention

Healthy compromises acknowledge each person’s priorities. Ask:

• What’s flexible here?

• How can we find common ground that works for everyone?

  
  

5. Use the SBI Model to Address Conflict Respectfully

The SBI Model— Situation, Behavior, Impact—is an effective and straightforward framework designed to facilitate the process of giving constructive feedback and initiating challenging conversations in various contexts, including workplaces, educational settings, and personal relationships. This model is particularly valuable because it provides a clear and structured approach that helps both the giver and receiver of feedback to engage in a productive dialogue.

To begin with, the first component of the SBI Model, Situation, refers to the specific context or scenario in which a particular behavior occurred. It is crucial to clearly define the situation to ensure that the feedback is relevant and grounded in a real event. For example, instead of making vague references, one might specify,

"During yesterday's team meeting" or "In the last project update email."

By pinpointing the exact moment, the feedback provider sets the stage for a focused and meaningful discussion.

The next element, Behavior, involves describing the specific actions or behaviors exhibited by the individual in the identified situation. This step requires the feedback giver to observe and articulate the behavior objectively without inferring intentions or making assumptions. For instance, one might say,

"You interrupted your colleague while they were presenting their ideas."

This approach helps to avoid personal attacks and keeps the conversation centered on observable actions rather than personal traits, thus fostering a more constructive atmosphere.

Finally, the third component, Impact, addresses the consequences or effects that the observed behavior had on others or on the overall situation. This part is critical because it connects the behavior to its outcomes, allowing the individual to understand the significance of their actions. For example, one could explain,

"As a result, your colleague felt undervalued and hesitant to share their thoughts in the future."

This connection highlights the importance of the behavior and encourages reflection and awareness, prompting the individual to consider how their actions affect those around them.

By utilizing the SBI Model, feedback is delivered in a clear, constructive, and actionable way. This method helps clarify expectations and promotes a culture of open communication and continuous improvement. Furthermore, it empowers individuals to self-reflect and take responsibility for their actions, ultimately leading to personal and professional growth.

In summary, the SBI Model is vital for fostering effective communication, enhancing relationships, and driving positive change in various environments. SBI focuses on observable behavior and personal impact—not blame. It invites the other person into reflection, not defense.

📝 Practice with the SBI Model

To help you apply this strategy, I’ve included a downloadable SBI Model Worksheet. Use the SBI model worksheet to reflect on one unresolved conflict or difficult conversation you’ve avoided.

SBI Model Worksheet- Navigating Difficult Conversations with Clarity and Respect.pdf

Download PDF • 167KB

Conflict Resolution Is a Leadership Skill—Not a Personality Trait

You don’t have to be a “conflict expert” to handle tough situations well. These skills can be learned, practiced, and refined over time. What matters most is your commitment to approach conflict intentionally, respectfully, and with a desire to grow.

Recommended Resources to Grow Your Skills:

• 📚 Conflict Management and Leadership for Managers: Knowledge, Skills, and Processes to Harness the Power of Rapid Change (Third Edition) by Susan S. Raines – This comprehensive book provides strategies for preventing and managing workplace conflicts, with skill-based exercises, self-assessments, and tools for enhancing collaboration and leadership effectiveness

• 🎧 Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, and Ron McMillan (Audiobook Edition) – This widely acclaimed book offers practical advice on navigating difficult conversations effectively, a critical skill for leaders managing conflicts. It teaches how to stay composed under pressure while fostering mutual respect and understanding

• 🌐 Harvard Negotiation Project – The Harvard Negotiation Project (HNP), founded in 1979 at Harvard Law School by Roger Fisher and William Ury, focuses on improving negotiation and conflict resolution theory and practice, offering education, training, publications, and a conflict clinic. 

• 🎧 Dare to Lead Podcast by Brené Brown – based on her book of the same name, offers insightful conversations on emotional intelligence and leadership, featuring discussions with change catalysts and culture shifters, exploring how to lead with courage and vulnerability. 

• 📄 Conflict Resolution for Managers: Navigating Workplace Tensions – The article "Conflict Resolution for Managers: Navigating Workplace Tensions" by Purohit et al. (2023) examines strategies and best practices for managers to address and resolve workplace conflicts effectively. It emphasizes the importance of communication, mediation techniques, and fostering a collaborative environment to mitigate tensions and enhance team dynamics.

• 🎥 Mastering Conflict for Effective Planning: Navigation and Resolution – Learn how to recognize different types of conflict, understand their root causes, and apply practical strategies to manage and resolve them in both individual and group settings. Additionally, discover how effective planning, structured meetings, and key facilitation techniques can help minimize and manage conflict in public forums.

Reflect & Take Action

Think about a recent conflict—big or small.💭 Did you listen deeply?💭 Did you focus on your needs and theirs?💭 Could you use the SBI model to reopen the conversation with clarity and respect?

Challenge for the week: Use the SBI model worksheet to reflect on one unresolved conflict or difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding. Then, take a step—small or bold—toward resolution.

Coming Up Next Week:

Join us for Week 4: Building Collaborative Teams, where we explore how leaders create strong, purpose-driven teams through trust, communication, and shared responsibility. Don’t miss how all these relationship skills come together to shape a thriving team culture.

Conflict handled well is an opportunity for growth, not division.

Use your voice with clarity, kindness, and purpose.

Dr. Jeanette Olivo